I am Numero Singko!

Main Type	Overall Self

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Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||| 74% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||| 50% Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||||||| 82% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||| 54% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||| 42% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||| 42% Your main type is 5 Your variant is self pres

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No. I'm not back.

This is not happening..

ThI'd like to give denial another shot. I'd like to believe that by refusing to acknowledge the existence of a pressing situation, I can delay acceptance. By means of such, I can wallow in misery and later on blog more about my stubborn attitude.

Here are some things I will temporarily renounce:

1. I am taking my job seriously - Prior to regularization, my social life still existed. It means that before, I am not a walking human cadaver. I have a life --- of endless taco nights, sleepovers , movie marathons, watching live gigs of Miguel Escueta and booze nights. That's how shallow my existence is but at least I felt alive. Post appraisal me became more focused on projects, payroll and fucking issuance of memos. Post appraisal me was robbed of weekends and also some week nights. I am complaining because I think that I'm being slave-driven. and I'm beginning to love or probably just get used to it. Partially, I want to slap myself for bitching because STABLE JOB = SURVIVAL and second, I don't want to love my job. The more I get attached and become dedicated, to it, the more I will drown myself in a quicksand of contracts, leave forms, 201 files and such.

2. I lure freaks - Yeah, as an old saying goes " It takes one to know one." It must be true. A few days back, a toddler inside the MRT pinched my right butt cheek. A toddler, seriously! I never felt so harassed in my entire life. What's disturbing is that his mom didn't even bother to call his son's attention. Plus, there are people (men and women alike) who can't help but to pinch, tap or carress my arms. I get it, they're soft and composed mostly of lipids. My triceps would make a wrestler weep in envy. Blame it on the fancy uppercuts I threw on my dad's students. Teehee. But then again,lest you are Brandon Boyd, I strongly advise that you keep your paws to yourself. Second offense will merit an appropriate sanction.

Also, I know there's a number of people who has this tendency to randomly add a stranger in their social networks -- like perhaps friendster or facebook. I know, I also went to that stage when it's all about the numbers. It felt like you are total loser if your social network would only include your dad, your third-cousin from your mother side, your seatmate when you were in the 3rd grade and your aunt. But now, who gives a foot? I don't care if I only have 50 friends at least I know all of them.

I mean who wouldn't want to block a friend request if the mail alert says " SOUL_SUCKER would like to add you as a friend".

If you are in my social network, I'm sorry but hiding under some weird pseudonym and fake picture will just rouse my growing suspicion (they don't call me Queen Paranoia for nothing).

I just don't get it. Is there an invisible arrow that points them to my direction?

3. I suck at time management - Yes that means, I cannot maintain focus because my work load has just doubled by quarter three. Yipee! They just hired another batch. of 20- 30 people. My accounts are growing which is good. I wonder if I can also get a cut from their basic salaries. Uhm.... hell no. This means, I cannot concentrate on finishing my stupid project. Thus, my performance appraisal for this February may be as good as cold turkey sandwich.

4. I am unpredictable these days - I dunno. Must be the impending coming of the holidays. I get cranky a lot for all the wrong reasons.. I need to regroup my alter egos.

5. I am immensely budget-conscious - Okay. Kuripot. Gearing up for 2009 is really challenging. I am thinking far ahead of the possibilities as the year wraps up. That includes becoming eventually homeless and walking along Quezon Ave., twirling my hair. This means that I am disowning some relatives because I cannot afford to buy them gifts this Christmas. Therefore, I'm also finding it hard to look for my dad's present (both for his birthday and for Christmas). I also opted working during the holidays because a ticket going to the province can be allocated to other important things like perhaps my dad and grandma's presents and possibly my haircut.

So there. I posting this demotivational poster as my parting words.

*wallow*

Reunions: How I became an Oyster

August. Reunions. *sigh* Last August 22, because of mandatory and obligatory reasons I met up with my maternal kin. Well, hello FAMILY! It's been a while since we last saw each other.

I remember the show THAT'S MY WIFE. You know, the one where the host gives out random facts and the contestants (the husbands) raises their card and says THAT'S MY WIFE.

Yeah. I can definitely win that if the show is called THAT'S MY FAMILY.

So here's the random list of factoids, I could raise my card to:

1. Your Aunt upon seeing you for the first time (after let's say 8 years) embraces you and drowns you with a thousand smooches. It will leave a mark on your cheeks and you will feel like the same old obese, asthmatic three-year old they used to call----UTCHIKIKAY.

2. They still can't spell your name right, UTCHIE, UTSIE, UTCHI. How hard can it possibly be U-T-C-H-E-E?

3. Your relative values TOGETHERNESS (literally and otherwise) even if you have to sit your ass in the compartment for the entire duration of the long drive to your Uncle's house.

4. Your family has a bad case of SHORT-TERM MEMORY LOSS and eventually you'll have ALZHEIMER'S by 30.

5. You were asked if you tried dieting for the last 24 years of your existence. And you came up with a reply like: "I tried reversing the food pyramid but I failed".

6. Your aunt applies the CONSISTENCY AND VALIDITY method in questioning you " When will you introduce us to your boyfriend?". You were asked three times, DINNER, AFTER DINNER and the MORNING AFTER.

7. Your constant reply to the age old question are the variations of: I INVOKE MY RIGHT TO PRIVACY, THAT QUESTION IS IRRELEVANT or OBJECTION, THAT QUESTION IS SELF-INCRIMINATING!

8. Your rule of thumb is the less you talk the better--- the lesser the likelihood of you becoming the butt of all jokes.

9. Your cousin is still an ass. He will not lend you the PSP even if you fake a seizure.

10. Nothing has and will ever change. You're still a push over. They will make you eat vegetables, sit up straight, or stop slouching.

One conclusion, you can arrive at is: You're still the obese, asthmatic three year old they call UTCHIKIKAY.

ETA

Last August 30, I met up with my paternal kin for the very very very first time. Crazy right? It took us 24 years.. That's another story to tell.

August 31. I'm supposed to bid adieu to my maternal Aunt, who'll be flying to the States but my spiking fever prevented me. Boohoo. I missed my chance of getting my early Christmas gift. Whatta bummer.

So yeah. I'm sick and until now, I'm still coughing ang puking eeky green stuff. This probably means... STAY AWAY FROM REUNIONS. HAHAHAHAHA. No, kidding.

Hey Mum!

Dear Mum,

How's the afterlife? Did you know that smoking kills? Yep, that's what I heard. How's Uncle? I hope he's also up there. However, rumor has it that he's playing devil's advocate in the pits of hell.

In case, you haven't been tuning in lately, Dad has been touring the region. He has a groupie of some 18 - 20 year olds. Crazy, I know. Yep, you got to hand it to him. He's living the rock star dream. At his age, it's just a consolation. So yeah, I concur.

I hope that you're happy up there. I would love to join you someday. Well, that relatively depends if I give in to Satan's offer of eternal awesomeness and Coca-Cola body of hotness (just like yours).

I've been having chest pains lately. No biggie actually, if it's going to be the free ticket to never never land.

Well, let's see, in our family we can't really ignore those symptoms, right? But we're different. We have always learned things the hard way. Yep, we're stubborn like that.Maybe I did got that from you and not from Dad.

So anyway, work's really a pain right now. I think PAIN is an understatement. It's an abomination! I might render overtime this Saturday. It's pretty fcked up. I worked my ass off for a month and suddenly the server had gone haywire. POOF! Back to zero!

Although, it pays rent, provides the me luxury of getting piss drunk on weekends (on a rarity) or buys me the books I'd kill to read, still I'm struggling to accept that I am no longer your asthmatic obese three-year old.

Yes, Mom. I grew up to be such a drama queen. So yeah, you'd probably burn this imaginary letter or skip to the not-so-boring parts which I can tell you now that there is none.

Anyway, do you remember that photo? That's one of my favorites as it perfectly shows how carefree you really are. Even though, everyone knows you are such a nervous wreck and on certain occasions, you basically spell the word RECKLESS ABANDON. I remember you and Dad use to hangout in our veranda, you smoking HOPE while sipping on your SanMig light and Dad massaging your foot and drinking his vino. Good times, yeah?! I wish we can bring back those days. O well, everyone's moved on. I'm sure I'd be fine.

Don't worry about me. Worry about father. He's been going out a lot. But I don't have my eyes and ears right now. Well, maybe sooner or later I'll figure out if there's another Uma Thurman has bee hanging in the door step.

I'd let you know as soon as I can. Wait, you're probably watching right? Why haven't you hexed the guy yet?

Anyway, if you're not too busy getting a pedicure or something, visit me and give me those lottery numbers I've been praying every night.

P.S.

I'd be meeting up with your ever loving sisters again. They'll probably tell me for the nth time to loose weight or to stand up straight or to stop slouching or to dress up a bit..you know, usual stuff they've been saying for the last 24 years of my existence. I guess I should just let it in the right ear and out the left, right?

And I did visit gramps.. He has no clue who I am by now. He asked my name and whose family tree I belong to for approximately 10 times.

Other than that, every thing's peachy and perfect (and full of crap on certain levels).

Your Daughter,

Joyce a.k.a. Bing-Bing

To the Bully & her Posse....

....who's harrassing my friend, Prinz.

Okay, okay. I get it, she's a noOb. Well, let me give you a piece of my mind. There are just two things that prevents me from storming my way into your office and giving you a beating of a lifetime.

1.) I have manners.. or something similar to that.

2.) If I give you a sucker-punch from hell I doubt that you will still be able to keep your boyfriend as your face will match the color of my purple blouse. Yes, I have mad skills, woman. Don't try me.

So moving on to a more civilized conversation, as I was saying... Leave her alone or better yet... CUT HER SOME DAMN SLACK.

Sheesh, isn't high school over by now. Me thinks, you all are still in that stage.

Do you expect her to memorize the whole training manual? She may be the brainy of us --dysfunctional bunch but she ain't super human.

And please, the next time she says sorry, accept it. Who are you, Jesus? Being high and mighty does not make you a God.

Also don't bore your officemates with your woes in the love department. Who gives a rat's ass if your boyfriend is cheating on you or whatever. I guess, he's tired of you yapping all day like a woman on crack.

And to your posse, I'll give you each my two cents. I'll buy you all half of my friend's brain cells. Think for once. I believe the brain is created to do all that logical stuff.

Do you even know Alicia Keys. Yes, the one who sang KARMA. Yes, yes, kids. What goes around comes around. And when that sweet day comes...you will all realize that you have messed with the wrong woman. Vengeance will be as deliriously sweet as that Jumbo Banana Split she had to order to get over your bullying.

Now, stop gossiping about your boring lives and get your ass back to work. I ain't begging. THAT'S AN ORDER!

P.S.

We live by the MAFIA Rule. You hit me. WE hit you.

Me and Sloth: Part 1

Let's have 7 deadly sins series for a change...

And I'm starting with SLOTH. Actually, I should have started with Gluttony and I can't find any other reason to expound for you to understand why because I am pretty sure that you won't need the explanation.

So what's up with me and sloth.. Well, I've been planning to join this writing workshop this coming September. You have to submit your 5 best literary works. Sheesh, what's so hard about this? Well, you see five of which still exists in my subconscious. And I can't seem to put them in good writing. O sure, I have 27 drafts in my blog. None of those will ever get published because of me and SLOTH. Or maybe because I am too scared to get the beating from the critics. Either way, things are pretty tight these days. I just need time to actually sit down and write. But every time I do, there's plurk or there's too much noise in the house or there's writer's block..or there's booze night.

Hokay, excuses, excuses. Maybe I'll just join next year. That is if my creative juices are still up and running by then.

SLOTH for me, is equivalent to PROCRASTINATION.

So this post ends..here because *yawns*.....

Sound of Silence.....

Now I really the noise canceling headphones because:

1. I can't concentrate.

2. I want to avoid hearing the office gossip.

3. I don't want to hear any more errands.

4. I want to be able to finish what I am doing. Distractions. distractions.

5. I am autistic.

I add this to my wish list nao!